Monday, November 8, 2010

Joanne--How to prepare your Thanksgiving turkey

Hi everyone,
As the Thanksgiving holiday nears for many of us, I wanted to share a hilarious turkey blog by Dave Barry. Hope you have a laugh and enjoy!

"STEP ONE in preparing the Thanksgiving turkey is to let it thaw (allow six to eight years). STEP TWO is to reach your hand inside the slimy, dark chest cavity of the turkey and remove the giblets. Be careful, because you are intruding upon the territory of the deadly North American giblet snake, which can grow, coiled inside an innocent-looking twelve pound turkey, to a length of fifty-five feet. In one of the most horrifying moments in cooking history, one of these monsters attacked Julia Child during her live 1978 Thanksgiving TV special; it would have strangled her if she had not known exactly where to insert her baster. Few people who have seen this chilling footage have failed to order the videotape from PBS."

14 comments:

Mona Risk said...

Ouch. I am not touching a turkey!!! Fun post, Joanne.

My son usually invites us for Thanksgiving and cooks the turkey. He gives it a name Roberta --or Raw-Birda. He soaks it in ice with apples, oignons, spices, and whatever... for three days, then stuffs it and cooks it. Every year there is a new name and an improved recipee. Being a computer engineer, he browses the Internet for recipes. That coming from a young man who wouldn't boil an egg or peel an orange when he lived at home. Mom --me-- was doing all the cooking for her baby. Marriage is an education for spoiled sons.

Joanne said...

Mona,
Your son is an inspiration. I love the naming of the turkey. Hilarious!

Carolyn Hughey said...

Joanne,

I've never named a turkey, but I sure think it's funny. The downside however is by giving it a name you make it personal and it might stop others from eating it. Cute post Joanne.

Joanne said...

Hi Carolyn,
Glad you enjoyed the post. Dave Barry's writing is such fun.

Ana Morgan said...

Dave Barry is very funny.
Alton Brown's recipe for brining a turkey is fabulous. (For real.)
Going out is another option. So is offering to do the dishes at someone whom you know is a good cook's house.

Lu said...

I can just picture Julia wrestling with a turkey, with her distinct laugh punctuating the action.

I've prepared a Thanksgiving turkey only a few times. One of the benefits of being Canadian and living in the US, when I go home for the Cdn Thanksgiving, I'm a guest, so my involvement is limited to setting the table or mashing the potatoes. And we live so far from the American family, that we never much bother with the big feast in November.

I did try Martha Stewart's "turkey 101" recipe several years ago - rubbing with butter, swaddling in cheese cloth, basting every 20 minutes. Honestly? It was just turkey, LOL.

Jill James said...

Joanne, this is why I'm not in charge of Thanksgiving. The ONE year I did it I bought a turkey that you cooked from frozen and the bag of 'stuff' was already out and frozen to the side of the turkey.

Lee Lopez said...

I love making the Turkey! Haven't come across any snakes yet...

Joanne said...

Ana,
I like the going out to eat option for Thanksgiving, or really anytime, to be the best option of all.

Joanne said...

Lu,
I'd never heard of Julia's Turkey 101 recipe/course. Sounds like it would be delicious, but WAY too much work.

Joanne said...

Jill,
I can't imagine cooking a turkey that was frozen solid. It must have taken all day to cook.

Joanne said...

Lee,
We should come to your house for Thanksgiving.

Clarissa Southwick said...

Thanksgiving? I just realized how very far behind I am. Thanks for a fun post.

Joanne said...

You've very welcome, Clarissa. Glad you enjoyed it.