Memorable Characters

As the critique coordinator and member of the FTH Critiquers for three years, I have critiqued a fairly large number of manuscripts. Add to these an impressive amount of contests judging over the years and the weekly exchange of chapters with my wonderful critique partners. Amazingly I’ve gathered almost as much useful information from critiquing as I have learned from books, workshops and seminars. In a way the latest taught me the theory but critiquing and judging showed me the mistakes I should avoid. The most important thing I learned was that the characters can make a good book or a mediocre one.

When I finish reading a book I really enjoyed, I remain in my chair, meditating for a few quiet minutes on the story I just finished. I often experience a strange mix of happiness and sadness, happiness for the heroine and hero who have succeeded in overcoming their problems or defeating their enemy, but sadness because I have to leave them, to say goodbye. Isn’t that why we love series? Because we can meet again the characters we liked so much and live again with them a part of their lives.

Don’t you agree that creating lovable characters is the most important part in making a book successful? To create believable characters, you have to know them well. Some writers interview their characters. I prefer to live with them. I keep them in my mind and talk to them while walking, driving, eating on my own. My heroine becomes a dear friend, another me. As for my hero, I always fall in love with him while writing his story.

Just describing a beautiful heroine or a macho hunk will not make them memorable. You need to dig deep into their soul and show the reader their real personalities, the side of them they don’t want anyone to see. Imagine a heroine who tries to hide her soft nature under a cold façade, to appear strong and professional in her job while dealing with a family, or a handicapped child, at home. Now we are talking. Add to that, a deception in her past, an attraction to her boss or a colleague that can jeopardize her career or affect her family. That’s raising the stakes.

Readers like to find similarities between themselves and the characters; an attraction that makes them share the characters’ suffering and struggles until the hero and heroine reach the HEA.

Let’s face it. Readers are a bit sadistic. They love to bite their nails and breathe fast as they watch the hero and heroine jumping from the pan into the fire and trying to get out of difficult situations. So don’t hesitate to torture your characters. Don’t make it easy for them. Conflict is the name of the game. Only conflicted people have a story. Happy people are boring. When you hero and heroine are finally happy, it’s time to type, THE END.

Also be careful about the pace of the story. Accelerate the pace with dialogue. During action, use short sentences, scarce descriptions. After a fast scene with high suspense, allow the reader to relax with an introspection that will slow the pace while the characters expose their emotions. Slow-paced scenes should be short to prevent the reader from getting too relaxed and bored. To keep a good pace, alternate short sentence and long ones. Short paragraphs and long ones. Short scenes and long scenes. Often a love scene may break a highly suspenseful situation and keep the momentum going.

No matter what genre you write, enjoy your story while writing it.

Mona Risk writes romantic suspense for Cerridwen Press,
To Love A Hero [The Romance Studio~ Sweetheart of the Week: Ms. Risk is one of those authors who puts together a tale that’s captivates from first page to last]

French Peril [Night Owl Romance~ Recommended Read~ Mona Risk’s characters will enthrall you as they all dance to their own personal tunes]
and medical romances for The Wild Rose Press,

Babies in the Bargain, [Readers Favorite 2009 Best Romance; The Long & the Short, Reviews Best Book of The Week~ This one will keep you on your toes and make you beg for more.]

Rx for Trust [Night Owl Romance~ TopPick Reading]

and Rx in Russian, coming soon.

All her books are available at Amazon.com
www.monarisk.com
http://www.monarisk.blogspot.com/

If you like to travel and love to read, come and enjoy my international romances. I will take you around the world through stories that simmer with emotion and sizzle with heat~

Punctuation Cheaters List

I don’t know about you, but punctuation is not my forte’. Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m comma happy.

At a recent writer’s gathering, I learned most authors suffer from the same affliction as me. To that end, I’ve put together a Punctuation Cheater’s List and thought I’d share it with you. I hope you find it as helpful as I do.

__________


PUNCTUATION CHEATERS LIST

1.Use a period to end a declarative sentence or an imperative sentence
(She was at the party – declarative)
(Speak up. Buy me some chocolate)

2.Use a period to end a polite request.
(Can you tell me your name.)

3.Use a period to end a sentence fragment, which substitutes for a complete sentence.
(Not really. On Friday.)

4.Use periods after standard abbreviations.
(Mr., Mrs., B.S., Dr., D.D.S.)

5.No period after labor unions, radio/television stations/universities, or national/international agencies.
(AFL, CBS, FHA, USC, MIT)

6.No periods after nicknames or commonly used shortened terms.
(math, gym, lab, AI)

7.Use a question mark after a direct question.
(What is your name? Where were you born?)

8.Use a question mark to end a sentence that begins as a direct statement, but ends as a question.
(You saw the accident, didn’t you?)

9.Use a question mark at the end of a question even if it ends with a modifying clause or phrase.
(Is this a photograph of the intersection, referring to Exhibit A?)

10.A question mark can be used after each item in a series of short, connected questions that occur within a sentence.
(Is your favorite pie apple? cherry? peach? Did this accident happen in 1987? in 1988? in 1989? Note: only one space is used in between the series, and notice that it’s lower case.)

11.Use a question mark after a short question that is interjected into the middle of another sentence and that is set off with dashes.
(I will read – where is it? – the letter from Paul. You said – did I hear you correctly? – that you work for Dr. Brenner.)

12.Use a comma before a coordinate conjunction that joins two independent clauses.
(Jim likes to play golf, but Nancy prefers tennis.
Note: One way to be sure a sentence requires a comma is to leave out the conjunction. If you have two complete sentences, it requires a comma, if not, NO comma--Ex: Mary bakes pies and sews dresses.)

13.Use commas to set off (or surround) clauses that contain parenthetical or descriptive information, which isn’t necessary to the meaning of the sentence.
(Mrs. Carr, who is a good cook, baked a pie. Note: If you can take the clause out and the sentence still makes sense, it requires a comma.

14.Use commas to set off appositives that interrupt the sentence.
(My cousin, a singer, lives in Hollywood.)

15.Use a comma or pair of commas to set off a term or name by which someone is addressed.
(Please be seated, Mr. Phillips.)

16.Use a comma to separate two or more adjectives when they modify the same noun.
(Bonnie was a friendly, attractive woman. Here’s how to figure this out. If I said, “Bonnie was a friendly AND attractive woman” it would not require a comma. One more example: Lucy wore a bright red dress. If I said, “Lucy wore a bright and red dress,” it makes absolutely no sense at all so you’d know that a comma cannot be put between the bight and red.

17.Use a comma after an introductory phrase.
(When I went to the store, I brought some milk.)

18.Use a comma after introductory words and exclamations such as “oh,” well,” “why,” “gosh.”
(Gee, I guess I’m wrong.)

19.When “and,” “so” and “but” are used as introductory words, they are not followed by a comma.
(So we got up and left.)

20.Use a comma after an introductory “yes” or “no” if the rest of the sentence could be substituted for the “yes” or “no” answer without adding further information.
(Do you recognize this man? No, I don’t.)

21.Do not use a comma after an introductory “yes” or “no” if the rest of the sentence cannot be substituted for the “yes” or “no” answer or if it gives further information. Use a period instead.
(Did you eventually get to know Mary? No. She lives in Europe.)

22.Use a comma after an introductory “yes” or “no” when an explanatory sentence fragment follows it.
(Did John pick up the papers? Yes, on Friday.)

23.Use a comma to separate two contrasting or opposite items. If the item occurs in the middle of the sentence, surround the item with commas.
(The puppy belongs to Kate, not Jane.)

24.Use a comma to separate words that might otherwise be misread and cause confusion.
(Inside, the dog was barking.)

25.Use a comma before an echo question.
(It’s a warm day, isn’t it?)

Golden Heart Finalist, Autumn Jordon

Today's spotlight is on multi-published author, Autumn Jordon, a 2009 golden-Heart Finalist with EVIL’S WITNESS, a Romantic Suspense set in the beautiful mountains of northeast Pennsylvania. It’s on sale now at the White Rose Press.

Let’s welcome Autumn and learn more about her and about her new book.

Thank you for spending the day with us, Autumn. Please start by telling us a little about yourself. Where are you from? When you were young, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I still live in the same northeast PA valley which I grew up in. The Appalachian Trail runs along the gorgeous Blue Mountains to our south and mountains heavy with coal border our north. My great-great-grandfather and his brothers, who moved here from Germany, owned and worked most of valley and about seventy-five percent of the inhabitants of the valley today are still blood relatives. It takes quite a few moments during church service on Sunday morning to pass the peace.
Surrounded by cousins, there was always something to do after school and after the chores were done like riding our horses, swimming at the deep hole or camping out under the stars. We were a busy bunch, but I was the one who enjoyed reading book after book and spinning tales. So I guess to answer your question, I always wanted to craft stories which would entertain others.
I haven’t traveled the world like you, Mona, but I’ve always dreamt of visiting exotic places and read about them.

Do you have a favorite book or series?
My favorite book of all time is the Valley Of The Horses by Jean Auel. It’s part of the earth series. I love the detail, the characters, the emotion and the romance in that story.
I enjoy many newer voices too, but I don’t want to run this blog too long.

Speaking of, can you tell us more about your book? What is it about and what inspired you to write it?
Evil’s Witness is a romantic suspense set in my own back yard. The idea came about because of two real incidents that occurred at my family’s business-trucking. We hauled funds for the U.S. Treasury. No, we didn’t lose funds for the treasury, but we did have a trailer of fruit juice stolen. Anyway, I wondered what if tractor-trailers carrying U.S. funds were suddenly targeted by the Russian Mafia, and what if a woman and her children witnessed a heist and became Mafia targets. Who would they turn too and how would they be protected. And what if she fell for the agent who protected them. Hmmm.
Imagine not falling for Sealy Booth. Come one, ladies. I’m I right?

How long did it take for you to get published and what was the journey like?
I had a long journey compared to some authors and a short journey compared to others. I started studying the craft seriously in 2000. So it was nine years until I signed my first contract. I had my share of triumphs (contest places or wins) and my share of downs (rejections) with four other manuscripts. I just kept studying, listening to advice, writing and submitting.

Any current projects you're excited about and can share with our readers?
I’m in the process of writing another suspense involving the Russian Mafia. In this story, a woman becomes a pawn in a money laundering scheme between two mafia princes who want to rule the family.

Do you write to music or the TV?
Music. I have certain CDs that are about worn out. Yanna, Enya, Enigma.

Do you plot your story before you write it or do you sit and let it flow?
I usually write about the fifty pages to get a feel for the characters and then I’ll write a loose synopsis. I know where I want to go, but often my characters come up with some pretty good story points down the road.

Most people see writers as hermits, closed off in a room, clacking away at the keyboard until the final page is typed. Do you consider yourself this disciplined as a writer?
Heck no. That’s not me. I have a life, friends, and family and they’re my priority. However, I do spend every moment I can writing, every single day. My motto has always been, Word By Word, Line By Line, Page By Page.

They say you can learn a lot about a person by their surroundings. What does your work area look like?
I have several work spots since I work on a laptop. My office definitely needs a little straightening. So I guess that tells you I feel there are more important things in life than a home that looks like the Merry Maids just exited stage right.
I also spend time outside on my back porch. I love it out there, especially in the early morning, and, as you can see by my hobbies, I love the outdoors.
And then in my living room while my dear husband watches his games, I’m usually tweaking dialogue, interviewing characters and thinking.

What do you consider your guilty pleasure?
Oh, good question. Lying in a hammock, reading on a sunny afternoon when there are about a trillion other things that should be done.

Blurb:
Stephanie Boyd’s world crashes when she and her children witness a blood bath. To escape the wrath of the Russian Mafia, she has no choice but to help the FBI uncover the mafia’s mole inside the U.S. Treasury. While on the run with the handsome agent who is willing to die for them, Stephanie learns the meaning of love.

Agent John Dolton’s break in solving the case that cost him everything is a couple of kids and a beautiful widow. But keeping them safe seems impossible when their every move is foreseen by their enemy. Stephanie and her children soften the loner’s heart and John vows not to fail to protect the family he loves.

Thank you so much, Mona , for asking me to be a guest today.

Packing for RWA and – Walt Disney World?

By Janet Miller (aka Cricket Starr)

In the movie “As Good As It Gets” there is a scene where the heroine played by Helen Hunt is packing for an overnight trip out of NYC. She has an empty suitcase on the bed and an exasperated look on her face and says: “There is no way to pack for this trip.”

I identify with that scene on a fairly regular basis.

The dilemma of what to pack for a trip can be hard in the best of situations. Helen Hunt character’s problem was that she didn’t know what to expect, hence her calling Jack Nicholson to find out if they were likely to go to a restaurant for dinner. For a “blended trip” where a wildly diverse set of activities can be expected, the problems escalate.  I will demonstrate this and provide what will hopefully be a reasonable solution.

My problem is that I’m going to the RWA convention, which is being held this year in WDW and then staying on for several days to enjoy the parks. So I need a wardrobe suitable for touring an amusement park in hot weather as well as business clothes for the conference. To top it all off I also need a formal outfit for the RITA awards that will include dress-up shoes. Difficult for all sorts of reasons, not the least of which is that I refuse to take a trip like this with two suitcases when I’m likely be hauling back several pounds of books. Better to start out with less than scramble to find room for stuff going home in your luggage.

So I have to come up with a wardrobe that will cover my needs for all events for the convention as well as park touring - a total of eight days of activities that all fits in one suitcase.

This picture is what I’ve come up with.

To the far left are a three pairs of long pants, black jeans, tailored tan capris, and a pair of silky black dress pants. Next are three pairs of shorts and a cap, followed by three colored t-shirts, and a long-sleeved white shirt. The next line is two, patterned button-up shirts, a black silk shell, and a black and white swimsuit. A black cardigan sweater is at the top of the next column followed by a white skirt, and in the last row is a blue silk top with beading, and a gold and turquoise dress. At the far right is my purple roll-up raincoat. My shoes are lined up at the bottom, a pair of water sandals that are great for walking in, tan sandals and a dressy pair of black sandals.

Instead of a business suit I’ll wear the black sweater with black dress pants for a tailored look. Instead of an evening dress the blue beaded top will pair with the dressy black pants for the RITA, and I’ll throw in a black shawl in case it is cool in the hotel. Instead of blue jeans, which I might have packed for a WDW trip, I have black jeans because those dress both up and down, and the tailored capri pants for casual wear at the convention will still work for touring the parks or going to dinner someplace nice.

For daytime park touring the shorts will pair with the solid color t-shirts and patterned shirts, and both patterned shirts can be worn open over the t-shirts to give me a different look.

I have a white cotton skirt because that dresses up well and will go with virtually any of the shirts. Yes, white is risky for wearing at a resort, but there are laundry facilities at the hotel in case of emergency. The dress is in a lightweight fabric that takes little room and will be ideal for the Orlando environment. For the same reason I’m taking the black silk shell. It takes no room in a suitcase and paired with either the white skirt or the black pants and under the black sweater it gives me another business look.

To cope with possible rainstorms I have a roll-up rain jacket that is very informal but no one will need to see me dressed business casual outside of the hotel. All the shoes I’m bringing will stand up to the walking we will do, a must for me as I get sore feet easily. They can be used for most of the events in the hotel including the Rita awards and still be wearable for park touring.

The key to this kind of packing is versatility. A tailored business suit has one purpose only. A black sweater can be used in many ways. A solid color t-shirt is more versatile than one with Tigger on it so I’ve omitted my favorite Disney shirts from this wardrobe.

In addition to reusability how much space an item takes is important. Space, weight, and versatility are the key things to remember when choosing your wardrobe for a long trip. If you positively have to have an evening gown then you must be prepared to give up something to make room for it. I’d rather have a top I can dress down for dining at a nice restaurant than an evening gown I can only wear once.

Everything you see on my bed can be packed into a single medium-sized suitcase with room to spare. In fact I might even have space for my favorite Tigger shirt after all!

Lessons We Learn

Where do you learn compassion from? As a child my parents tried to teach compassion to us, teaching us to do the right thing. Yet as we grow and life circumstances change our view on things, compassion sometimes isn't foremost in our mind. What has hit me in the last few days is that there is always a lesson we can learn from our children. One night at the dinner table, my oldest daughter asked if a friend of hers could spend the night at our house. Apparently he had left his mom's house and was sleeping in his car.

Now I'm not against taking kids in -- however, I do question why they have left their house and what is going on with them. My household has rigid rules and yet I find that we always have a lot of extra kids around just to hang out. After a lengthy discussion with my daughter, we discussed how years ago she had stood by this same friend when he was removed from his mom's house due to abuse from his brother. She continued their friendship when he moved out of state and when he finally came back home. Now as they are seniors she still longs to take care of people. She has always had a kind heart.

So agreeing, we have a visitor for the night and again the next night. I look at my children, thinking that something right must have been instilled in them. They know the right thing to do and how to be a good friend to someone.

What lessons do you learn from your children or even young adults you may know? Do we take this lessons for granted or do we allow them to touch our lives, allowing ourselves to learn and grow in our own lives.

Edits, Edits, Who’s Got The Edits?

What is your editing process? As a writing team, ours is probably different from what you might do. Basically, Arwen starts a story – writing 1500 words. She happily sends it off to Cai then sits back waiting for the accolades to roll in. (Of course, it could be Cai who starts the story, in which case, just reverse all the names below. LOL)

Cai whips out her proverbial red pen and proceeds to edit the snot out of Arwen’s clichés and grammar mistakes. She then adds 2500 brilliant words and sends it back to Arwen just knowing that Arwen is going to delightedly accept the changes and breeze through her additions.

Arwen growls as she admits to 75% of Cai’s changes as being good, but fights back on 25%. Then Arwen hauls out her tarot deck to heavily correct Cai's plot gaps and character flaws. She then adds the best 500 words of her life and hits “send.”

Cai accepts 10% of Arwen's rejections on her original edits. Then she sighs and accepts 75% of Arwen's edits while massaging her temples and fighting back on 25%. She reads the minimal effort from Arwen and decides to wait a day or so before adding or editing any more. Adding another 2500 words after a few days, Cai sends the whole shebang back to Arwen and waits with bated breath for Arwen to read/edit and send it back again.

By the time we reach the end of the first draft, we've got a pretty good handle on what is working and what scenes need to be completely re-worked. All silliness aside, this is how we edit as we go without rewriting the same three pages ad infinitum. We find that this gives us a fairly clean first draft. Then we can spend time going back over the whole manuscript tightening character development and making sure our GMC (Goal, Motivation, Conflict) for each character is fully developed.

When we're both ready to call it “done,” our next step is to find a beta reader or two. We think we know where the weak spots are, so we ask our beta readers to concentrate on those areas, but also to point out anything else they come across in their reading that jars them out of the story for whatever reason. With their suggestions in mind, we read the story with fresh eyes and make whatever changes we feel will strengthen the story. In the end, that is what is the most important. What makes the story truly work.

Then and only then are we ready to send it off to an editor with a query letter attached. So what is YOUR process? Do you write, edit, write some more? Or do you write the entire manuscript then go back and edit each scene, each chapter, etc., Let us know, we’d love to hear your thoughts.

How to Make the Most of Your Pitch Opportunity

The RWA National Annual Conference takes place in two weeks, and the internet is abuzz with tips on how to sharpen your pitch.

Entire workshops are devoted to squishing characters, plot, goals, motivation, and conflict into the time allowed. With proper preparation, most writers will get a request from the editor or agent they pitch.

You might consider that a success, but the ultimate goal is to sell your book. There’s more to sales than simply advertising. And there’s more to pitching than simply getting a request for a partial. If you want to sell your book, you have to leave your editor/agent feeling like you were worth the time she spent on you. That’s customer satisfaction in the world of publishing.

Speaking of customer satisfaction, think about the last time you felt like you’d been cheated by a salesman. Chances are the problem fell into one of the following categories:

• The product or service was not as advertised.
• The work was not performed on time.
• There was no customer service after the sale.
  
  
  
  Let’s see what these problems tell us about how we should make the most of our pitching opportunity.
  
  The Product Needs to Match the Pitch
  When you pitch at a conference, you are presenting yourself as a serious writer. Inherent in that is a promise that you have taken the time to learn the craft, to finish your manuscript, and polish it to industry standards. If you haven’t done these things, then you’re misrepresenting your product. Don’t pitch before you’re ready.
  
  No matter how well you write, the tone of your pitch needs to match the tone of your novel. If your pitch is plot-based and the novel is character-driven, the editor/agent is going to feel like you misled him. Don’t promise Star Wars and send in Little Women.
  
  
  
  The Product Needs to be Delivered on Time
  If you’re an unpublished author, your book needs to be polished and ready to send before you pitch it. Ideally, you would send it as soon as you got done pitching. But sometimes, something you see at the conference might give you an idea on how to tweak it and make it better. If that’s the case, it’s best to be upfront with the editor/agent and agree on a time frame for submission. You don’t want to leave them with the impression that you can’t be counted on to make your deadlines.
  
  Customer Service after the Pitch
  So you’ve pitched your novel, and sent in the partial. If you’re lucky, this will result in a request for a full. But you might be advised to “revise and resubmit.” This is where you get to show off your customer service skills. Listen carefully and make sure you understand what they’re asking you to do. If you agree to the changes, then make them as quickly as you can while maintaining the quality of writing. The editor/agent will be taking note of how easy (or difficult) you are to work with.
  
  I hope these tips have given you something to think about as you prepare you pitch. For those of you who have pitched before, please share your expertise. What’s the best pitching advice you ever received?
  
  
  
  

10 Reasons Being A Writer Rocks

Sometimes, the writing life can get you down—the rejections, the solitude, the relatively low chances of big pay…

But this weekend, I thought it would be fun to think of all the reasons why being a writer rocks. Please add your own positive ideas to this list—and spread the love! What’s your favorite thing about being a writer?

10. You can work in your PJs.

9. A trip to the bookstore is a tax write-off.

8. “Not now, I’m reading this book,” is akin to “I can’t, I have a meeting.”

7. It’s weird if you don’t hear voices in your head.

6. When you go to a job seminar, you actually have fun!

5. What other job puts such a high value on otherwise useless information?

4. If your coworker is annoying you, get the leash and take him for a walk.

3. Writing is the perfect fusion of acting (inhabiting character), drawing (indulging in detail of space), performance (a show offered with unmatchable intimacy), social sciences (the study of human behavior), and imagination (possibility is infinite!).

2. To a writer, everything in life--from a skinned knee, to a divorce, to a broken car, to the bottom of a baby's foot--is filled with the potential for inspiration. Everything has practical value in the writing life.

1. With book people, you’ll find kindred spirits everywhere you go.

Best and love,

Lisa Dale

www.LisaDaleBooks.com/blog

Come join me for book giveaways, author interviews, and book talk!

The Terrible Tales of a Technophobe


Don’t you just hate them? Well, maybe hate is too strong a word. Resent might be a better one.

I’m talking about those people who can turn on their computer and get it right, first time. No problems. No hassle. No fuss.

Or maybe a friend shows you what to do on their computer. Looks so simple, yeah?. Uh uh. You can’t wait to go home and try it on yours. But just you wait. What worked on theirs, doesn’t work on yours.

In fact, it’s got so bad now, that even I end up laughing at myself. I expect it to go wrong, and so it does.

When I sign up for a course that tells me what I’m supposed to do, and follow instructions to the letter, my computer is the one that never plays ball. There’s always a different response to what is expected and the course convenor ends up signing me up manually. I just hope and pray that nothing ever goes wrong because I wouldn’t know how to get back.

Surely, the way to stop bothering friends and family and learn from the bottom up is to buy the Word Book for Dummies. That will help me get over the many problems technophobes must endure. Won’t it?

Well, I brought the book that would turn all my computer dreams into reality, confident that all the hassles of compterdom were behind me.

But oh no. Nothing that simple for you, my girl. You see, I never got the response from my friendly PC that the book said I would, no matter how many times I went back to the beginning and started again. Did I miss something? A vital point? You already know the answer to that.

Maybe it’s a conspiracy by the powers that be, and they are having a laugh at my expense.

And take something as simple as this blog. It will be fun to join my chapter sisters in a mutual blog, won’t it? Please?

Uh uh. Problem from the word go. So if you are reading this sad tale, it’s thanks to Mona and her step-by-step, handy-hold instructions that I got it right.
I hope.

Joanne--Sharing the writing of Dave Barry

I am a big fan of the author and column writer, Dave Barry. His writing is thoughtful, witty, and absolutely hilarious. Many writers mention Stephen King's book "On Writing", but not many know that Dave Barry and Stephen King are good friends and play in a rock band together.

Following is a classic Dave Barry post on writing and snakes:

The other day I was sitting at my desk in my home office, doing what I do all day, which is frown at my computer screen. This is tiring work, so roughly 35,000 times a day I have to take a break to eat something, or drink something, or scratch something. At this particular moment, I reached to my left, to pick up my can of Diet Coke, and EEEEEEEEEEEE. That is the screaming sound my brain made when it realized that my hand was, at most, two inches from a live snake. Really. As a south Florida resident, I'm used to having ants on my desk, but they are friendly, harmless, and easy to smush. Whereas this was a full-blown snake, coiled for attack, with its head reared up and its tongue flicking out toward me, which is how snakes communicate the message: "Hah! Perhaps you wish to die for your Diet Coke, Mister No-Topic Writer Man!"