Friday, January 27, 2012

What is fear?

I recently wrote a blog post titled "Conquering your fears", in that post, I focused on a fear that I've had for years.  Progressively, over the last few years, it seems to have worsened.  Almost to a paralyzing degree.  And only when there was no other option, did I face my fear, and as I explained in the post, I may not have conquered it, but I am definitely not afraid to charge it...head on!

After that post, I began discussing fears with some of my friends, and it made me remember the initial fears I had with my writing:
-feared others to reading it (critique it)
-feared publishers/agents rejecting it

I remember when I first read the rules for PRO membership.  I had to send in a manuscript or rejection letter.  That felt so humiliating to send in a rejection letter.  But, it seemed even more humiliating to send in the manuscript that was rejected.

To this day, I still have the slightest amount of anxiety every time I receive a critique or send a query letter.

But, it isn't the fear of not receiving a contract or seeing strikeouts from critique partners.  No, it's this indescribable sense of maybe the story isn't done.  Could I tell more?  Should I tell more?  Would that just be over-telling the story?

I'm not a plotter.  I'm a pantser.  I write until my characters stop talking, but is that it?  Should I keep writing?  Should I keep writing until I hit that 100,000 word count?

Ughh!!! What is it about fear?  Does it just continue to reshape or does it ever go away?

What do you fear?

3 comments:

Emma Leigh said...

Great post, Angela. I personally have to face my fear everytime I let someone read my work. I have the constant fear that it just isn't good enough.

Keep facing your fears!

Angela Kay Austin said...

Thanks Emma Leigh! Keep facing yours, too.

Josie said...

Angela,
My stories seem to never be done. I'm certain that if I read one of my WIP's a year from now, I'd start fiddling and changing parts of the plot. Seems like there's never a final period with writing.