Sunday, August 8, 2010

Joanne--Dave Barry snake story continued

Hi everyone,
I realize this is a writing blog, but last month I shared a great Dave Barry story about how he was writing in his home office and a snake appeared on his desk. So many responded with questions about what happened in this hilarious episode, I thought I would finish the story this month. As always, Dave Barry does not disappoint. His writing is as witty as ever. Here'tis:

Holding the snake with a pair of tongs, I dimly remember bursting out the patio door, with my outstretched arm gripping the tongs as far back on the handle as possible while the snake thrashed wildly. The instant I was outside I dropped the tongs, and the snake, now free to go anywhere in North America, proved that it was in fact the Evil Demon Serpent from Hell by slithering directly into the swimming pool. Head high, it began to briskly swim laps in a counterclockwise direction. "Ha, ha, Barbecue Boy!" it was indicating. "Perhaps you do not have a large enough pair of tongs to handle the likes of me!"

18 comments:

Jenny B said...

Eww! I think I might never swim in the pool again. The tongs are trash. And the desk? Um, not so sure. Is there a snake barrier one can put across windows and patio doors?

Can you tell I dislike snakes? I never knew how I really felt until one day I walked across a parking lot, and lo and behold, a harmless little 8-inch grass snake slithered toward me. I gave it 10 feet of personal space!

Great story, Joanne!

Jenny

Barbara Monajem said...

Ahhhh! Poor snake. I hope it got out of the pool OK.

We had a snake in our house once. I think it came to eat a mouse. Fortunately, our cat takes care of any stray mice now.

Jill James said...

See, I could never write humor. Some people just do it so naturally. Loved it.

Joanne said...

Hi Jenny,
I dislike snakes just as much as you do. We moved to the south from upstate NY over 10 years ago, and I'm still not used to seeing snakes in the road, or on the side of a field.

Joanne said...

Barbara,
How did you get rid of the snake? Hope you discovered "it" before "it" discovered you.

Joanne said...

Jill,
Dave Barry is my all-time favor writer for humor. What's interesting is that he is such a good friend of Stephen King. I mentioned last month that they are even in a band together.

Paisley Kirkpatrick said...

My scariest snake story is when I chased after my then two year old daughter who chased after a huge snake around the back yeard. There was a bulge in its stomach so we were guessing it had just eaten a small rodent. So glad she was laughing and caught my attention. Don't know where the snake came from because we'd never seen one like it before or after. We now live in the mountains with just bears, mountain lions and coyotes to deal with. :)

Joan Leacott said...

There's one snake I just love; the massassauga rattler. Because of it's endangered species status, it prevented the construction of granite quarry across the bay from my summer home. Go, snake!

Joanne said...

Paisley,
That is a scary snake story. Yikes--your daughter was so young. Luckily her laughter caught your attention. Luckily, you only have lions and tigers and bears (just kidding) to deal with now. :)

Joanne said...

Joan,
I've never heard of the snake you described, but I'm not that up on snakes. And it's an endangered species? Wow. I learned something new today.

Lee Lopez said...

That is so funny..Growing up in Nor Cal, finding a snake swimming in the pool is not so uncommon...It's okay as long as it's not one of our very annoying a infamous rattlers...Which normally don't like water and don't swim well, but one never knows.

Mary Ricksen said...

I hate snakes!!! EWWW!

Mona Risk said...

One of my employees brought his python to the lab one day and sweet talked a technician into giving him a few mice to feed his pet. You should have heard me blowing my head at him when I entered the lab and saw a huge snake staring at me.

Mary Marvella said...

That is a good story, Joanne. Now what might it really mean?

Joanne said...

Lee,
We live in South Carolina. I suppose finding a snake swimming in our pool is a real possibility, although it hasn't happened yet.

Joanne said...

Mary R.,
Yup, that about sums it up. I hate snakes, too. One was in the parking lot of CVS the other day. Granted, it was dead, but I parked my car far away from it.

Joanne said...

Mona,
How awful! Not at all what you expected in the lab that day. Yikes!

Joanne said...

Mary M.,
This was a continuation of my blog last month. Dave Barry had been in his home office, writing, and minding his own business. He turned for his diet Coke and found a snake staring at him. Many asked what had happened.