The Art of Kissing

I recently picked up an unread book I have on my bookshelf called The Art of Kissing. This small book by William Cane came from a neighbor’s yard sale where I snagged it for only fifty cents. It may have been the same yard sale I bought the Relationships for Dummies book too. Thank goodness it wasn’t a close neighbor.

My intention at least on the surface was to use it for writing purposes (read research.) After all a good romance novel is nothing without toe curling kisses. I especially appreciate when an author brings a new dimension to kissing. Anyone who ever sat through Twelve Steps to Intimacy workshop knows there are all kinds of kisses. Despite my vow to use the book for research it kept company with other books I meant to read. Then I started dating again and the thought of kissing suddenly appear foremost in my mind. It was time to read the book.

The author starts out the book by reminding us of our first magical kiss. Think back, what was your first kiss like? Mine happened at church camp. Fourteen years old with braces, naturally I attracted another fourteen year old with braces. The other campers teased us that our braces would lock if we kissed. I guess we both gave a great deal of thought to that notion and decided to try it out. The end result was my first kiss. While our braces didn’t lock, there may have been some bruising from the braces. I can laugh at myself now because I know we were horrible kissers because we were clueless. Still young people are supposed to start somewhere. But what if you’re an adult and don’t know how to kiss?

That’s where The Art of Kissing comes in handy. Did you know smiling and laughing will garner you more kisses than looking sultry or sad. People are attracted to happy people…and apparently they tend to kiss them too. Don’t know how to kiss? The author suggests placing your lips gently on your date's lips and wait a few seconds seeing if your sweetie will respond. Most will and then you simply follow their movements.

Different kisses mean different things. I went out on a second date with a guy I was unsure if he liked me, but I liked him. At the end of the date, I received the sister kiss on the hair. As he drove away, I thought what was that? What did it mean? I may have waved my hands in the air yelled something about not being his sister. Still it was sweet. It left me intrigued and willing to go out with him again. He later admitted that had been his intention to let me know he was fond of me, but not to press too hard too fast. It worked well since we are still seeing each other.:)

William Cane reveals in his book that women love kissing. In fact, many women report they could do it for hours. The majority of women described kissing as being more intimate than sex. Most prostitutes refused to kiss their clients because it is too personal. What makes kissing so special?

It brings a special intimacy and warmness to a couple. You kiss people you both love and care about. It cements relationships. There is a very funny scene in the movie, Leap Year where all the older couples at the table are telling the "newlyweds” the secret to a good marriage is to kiss passionately every day, then they demonstrate. They wait for the young couple to kiss. Their first kiss is an awkward peck because they don’t really know each other. Then at the older couples’ scoffing, they try again and really get into it. They discovered each other through kissing.

You can really tell a lot about a man from a simple kiss. This is so important to know when crafting our heroes. Who wants a bad kisser as a hero? To go from a kissing zero to hero he has to be creative. Men who kiss you in an unexpected location such as an escalator are bound to get a reaction. Then of course there are men who kiss you on unexpected places. The number one place women like to be kissed besides the lips according to Internet survey is…the neck. Now, I know that is what you were thinking too.

What if a man is absolutely horrible at kissing? Could be he’s a shy guy who hasn’t had much experience, but might be willing to learn. Then there are men who are rather rigid with their lips who just lean over and peck at you as if they were a chicken and you were a kernel of feed corn. That’s not overly appealing. If a man has been married and is over thirty-five and he is still pecking at you like a chicken…well, you may have to decide how much you like kissing compared to the guy’s company. This is not someone who enjoys kissing and would want to learn to do better. At best, he sees kissing as a way to warm up the woman for the main event. If he only knew he wasn’t warming her up.

In Cane’s book, both men and women were surveyed to see how Americans fared on the kissing scale. Okay, ladies, I think you might know the answer. Europeans, especially Italian, French and Spanish kissed more frequently and kissed well. They also kissed in public more and kissed for the sake of kissing. Sadly, even the Germans scored higher than Americans. We can take heart that our British cousins scored rather low. The complaints against American men included that they usually don’t know how to kiss, they’re too forceful and they see it as only a prelude to sex. American women were not open to public kissing as much as their European cousins and didn’t open their mouths as much. We can tell ourselves that was only the opinion of people answering the survey or start our next novel with a European hero.

A man who loves to kiss is willing to learn and experiment is priceless. He’ll feather delicate kisses over his lover’s closed eyes. Playful Eskimo nose rubs and puppy dog lick kisses are in his repertoire along with lip sucking and French kissing. He’s tried them all at some time and is willing to try more if it is what his partner wants. Think back to all the romances you’ve read, do you remember a hero who was a terrible kisser?

Probably not, I know I can’t think of one. The reason behind this is women want men who can kiss well. A kiss epitomizes romance. A man who kisses well and times his kisses appropriately can usually have his pick of women. A recent article on the Life Gems for Marriage website touts the ability of a single kiss to not only increase your bond, but also relieve your stress level. After a hard day, a simple hug and kiss can make you feel SO much better. On the flip side, couples who divorce usually haven’t kissed for a very long time. The lack of kissing helps break down their initial bond. They no long feel close because they’re not.

What’s your take on the importance of kissing?